But No Cigar

“Tell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?” Daily Prompt

The first time I smoked a cigar from what I can remember was probably at the age of five and it belonged to my grandfather. It was a well kept secret that I am thankful to my cousins for never spilling and I am only revealing it now because I am a grown adult living on my own away from my parents and my grandfather has passed on. It was not until I became a teenager did I find out that cigars are used in celebrations and offered as a form of congratulations. But what happens when we don’t get that cigar? What happens when we do not get to celebrate even though we have worked hard for that moment? What happens when things seemed to working out for the best but at the end you don’t get a cigar?

My life has always been filled with “no cigar” moments. While others may see “no cigar” moments as disappointments, I have learned to see “no cigar” moments as lessons. My life has never been stable, ever, I have never really had a place that I can honestly call home, my life is filled with surprises and I usually have to simply get up and start moving and begin living again.

I often tell people that my life is an Abrahamic journey. It means that I am not in control of my life, I may make plans and set goals and deadlines, however, there are usually no cigars. My life is not predictable in any way. It has taken me a very long time to accept this and to simply live everyday as it comes. I have now embrace my life as “no cigar” moments because it means that I am more open to live everyday as it comes. My Canadian mom allows us to have tea whenever we want in lovely china tea cups given to her by her mom. Her point is that every day is a special occasion. Those lovely pieces of fine china are not allowed to simply collect dust in the cupboards.

Living an unpredictable life means that I take it one day at a time and recognize everyone who enters into my life as someone special. I no longer worry about what will happen tomorrow, next month or next year, I plan accordingly and work to the best of my ability but I try my best to remind myself that every moment is a moment of celebration and that I should not wait for special moments in order to have a cigar.

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